I am a servant in my house. No, worse, servants get payed. I am a SLAVE. But how is it that I know when I am wanted to do something. WEll, there are quite a few ways. I will be presenting to you several scenarios, demonstrating the many ways in which I am asked to do things in our house.

Scenario 1: Noey
Lets say that my sister would like me to get them a glass of water. First, their voice will get about 6 or 7 octives higher than it normally is. Then in this earsplitting voice they will say, "Noeyyyy... Will you get me a glass of water?" Of course I oblige, not wanting to hurt their feelings, and not wanting them to hurt my face. During Samanthas high school years she used this phrase so often that as soo as she said, "Noeyyy..." I would cut her off with "Fine". It wasnt until she was in college that I realized that she had used Pavlovian conditioning on me, making me no better than old Isaac's dog drooling for a bell.

Scenario 2: Permission
This is one of my mother's personal favorites. Lets say she would like me to gather the laundry. She will say, "Noah, while I'm gone you can gather the laundry." Obviously, this fills me with joy. You see, as a slave, I have no free will, so I am thrilled that she has given me permission to gather the laundry.

Scenario 3: The Statement
There are many statements that my sister/ mother will use to "ask" me to do something. The first goes something like this. "Noah, Rebel needs to go out" Well, then TAKE HIM!!! Obviously, I dont say this, you know the whole "fear of them hurting my face thing". The next is one that my sister used just a moment ago. "Noah, there is a necklace in my backpack". Oh my, Samantha, what should we do about that?

Scenario 4: My Favorite Things
Sophie. This is her method. This is more of a redirection method then a straight on asking method. YOu may be confused. Allow me to demonstrate.
Mother: Sophie, go do the paper garbage.
Sophie: What? No....
Mother:What? Yes...
Sophie: Let Noah do it. (Again the permission)
Mother:No Sophie, YOU.
Sophie: But Mom, paper garbage is Noah's favorite...
Mother OH! NOAH!!! COME HERE!!! YOU GET TO DO THE PAPER GARBAGE!!

Fashion Sense. Some have it, some don't. Luckily enough for me, I grew up with two sisters. I am not claiming to be a fashionista (whatever that is) all I am saying is that I know my way around an outfit. I do not succumb to the stereotype that all girls are fashionable. However, I do believe that all girls have a ridiculously keen fashion sense. For example, Sophie wore sweatpants and tshirts until like, 5th grade or 6th grade. Now that my sister Sam has converted her, and tapped into her fashion sense, she is ridiculous. She wears THE most exotic pants and coats. While on the subject of clothing, I would just like to say that the women in our house have become far to obsessed with my boxers. Let me clarify. In 6th grade I made the conversion from tighty whities to boxers (a very manly right of passage). Ever since, My sisters AND MOTHER have very much enjoyed picking out wacky boxers for me to wear. I now have boxers with penguins and boxers with abomoninimonoable snowmen with boom boxes. Guess what I got from my sister for Christmas? BOXERS.

I'm sorry. This isnt about Sophie. You just need to see this if you havent.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rsEnwKrsvc

In case any of you were wondering, Sophie knows about this blog. I am not an asshole. Well, maybe a little bit, but not because of this blog. Sophie reads all my posts and cracks up laughing. That is how I know its, as the kids say, "All well". No, no, no wait. Its "All Good". Thats it, I believe. Recently I have realized by way of Sophie that the entire debate community knows about my blog. While i don't know how this happened, I think it might be a good thing. YOu see, as weird as we all know Sophie is, the debate community actually considers her normal and even *shudders* cool. Now, in her own way, (and her way is a very twisted and mutilated way) Sophie is *shudders* cool. Now, I by no means consider myself normal. But, if you've read my previous entries, you must understand. Nobody can be normal with a sister like this. Now, I am fixing to go wake Sophie up. I find this sequence hilarious. So, I thought I would share it with you.
ALright, normally, I go downstaris and say something along the lines of, "SOphie, its almost ten o'clock, I thought you might want to wake up." Then she answers something along the lines of "Mhmmmhnnnggghhhnnnmmmmmm" No, that was not a typo, Sophie's reply is usually a collection of M's, h's, n's, and g's. This will happen roughly three times, each wake up attempt around 30 minutes apart. The last attempt (remember, this would be around 11:30), I go in and say, "Sophie, you know I've woken you up 3 times now." She'll say, "I KNOW!! NOAH!! GO AWAYY!!!" I'll persist, "You know it's 11:30" "I KNOW NOAH!!! GO AWAY!!!!" So, I leave. Around, 12:37 she will arise and say, "NOah, why didnt you wake me up? NOW I'VE WASTED HALF MY DAY!!" I'll say "SOphie, I woke you up 4 times!!" And she'll reply "Bullshit"

Just so you all know, I am completely aware that most of the words i type are typos. TThis iis ssiimmppllyy becaouse i aamm laxy aNd chOose to profrad noting. Haha, except for that last part, that i did just to be *smiles cutely*. While I'm on the subject of cute smiles, I would just like to say that I feel really sorry for people with dimples. Because, no matter how old you are, and how much stubble is on your face, as soon as you smile, and those two pinpoints on your cheeks dart in, you look like you're eight years old. You know who I feel even worse for though? People with only one dimple, cause then your just a freak. (No offense to people with one dimple)You know, I hate when people say "no offense", especially when they clearly mean to offend you. For example, "Your sister is just so much better than you at everything except for interacting with other people outside the debate community"..."no offense" How am I supposed to not take offense to that? This is just incredibly offending. If you didnt mean to offend me, why did you say it? Oh,and Sophie, you're a poop. No offense.

Okay, so I realize I haven't posted anything in awhile, but i would just like to let you all know that i haven't been busy or anything, I just forgot. So with that out of the way, I would just like to get something out. You know those shirts that say "I Survived the Tower of Terroor?" Big f *** in deal. Pardon my French. (I never understood that phrase) But really, I think I should make shirts that say "I Survived a Cranky Sophie." I mean the so called "Tower of Terror" is a computerized ride at DISNEYLAND!!! It is controlled and COMPLETELY SAFE. There is nothing controlled or safe about Sophie when she's got her, so speak, "panties in a bunch." See, that phrase I understand. If my undergarments were in a substantially sized wad, and seized between my but cheeks, I have a feeling i would be quite irritable. You want to know when Sophie's at her worst ? I'll tell you. Sophie likes to drink these Starbucks brand bottled coffe's in the morning. I am nice enough to go downstair where we keep them, and get her one every morning. However, sometime it get rather chilly in the garage and one or two of the coffees will freeze. So, one morning, without realizing it, I accidentally brought her up a frozen one. Well, in few, words .... She flipped out. "WHY WOULD YOU GET ME A FROZEN ONE ?? "" WHY CAN'T YOU JUST PAY ATTENTION "Oh, and then, it was all of a sudden a conspiracy." I'LL BET YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE!! "DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY???" Maybe I should make a Tshirst that says, "I Survived a Cranky Sophie With a Frozen Bottle of Starbucks bBrand Mocha Latte" Nah, I think thats a little wordy.